'Love all. Trust a few.'

Happy Birthday Kim Hyoyeon !

2011-09-21T23:55:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday to the Dancing Queen, Kim Yeolsal, Kim Choding, Hyosookie!
Happy Birthday to our dearest Kim Hyoyeon!

The one who seems playful, but instead is the most motherly.
The one who seems most reserved, but instead is the most approachable.
The one who seems most emotional, but instead is the shoulder to cry on.

The confidant who stays awake until dawn to support her sisters by listening to their problems.
The one who packs meals for the youngest to bring to school.
The one who cleans and very honest when drunk.
The one who brings laughter to the family.
The resident's Dancing Queen.

You almost gave up and left the group but you did not.
You persevered through the endless of training and received scoldings.
You went through the harsh criticism thrown at you and pulled yourself together.
You brought joy and warmth to those around you.
your sisters, are especially thankful to have you with them.

Regardless the negativity thrown, you've proven them wrong.
You showed them what you're capable of.
You've conquered not only Korea, Japan but also Asia together with the other 8.
You're part of Asia's Top Girl Group!

Without you, So Nyuh Shi Dae will never be complete.
Without you, So Nyuh Shi Dae will never exist.
You may make speech mistakes and dancing mistakes but only you can be a part of SNSD.

NINE is equivalent to ONE.

Right Now, From Now On, Forever, it's Girls' Generation!

2011-09-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

It started out as a mere crush of a student.
Now that I've left the school, you're no longer a teacher to me ..
You were quite close with my friend and honestly, I was jealous.
Why couldn't it be me ?
If only i had initiated to comment on your posts and whatsoever, we could be closer ..?

Lately, we've been having comfortable conversation..
You were sad to leave but little did you know I was devastated ..
When you said that you would've waited for me if you knew I was nearby , that did it for me.

It sent me off the edge. It made me fall for you a little but more..

You have no idea how happy i was that you shared your sadness with me.
You have no idea how heartbreaking it was knowing that you were on the verge of breaking down ..
I tried my best to cheer you up and i hope I did .
That night, i realize that i fell deeper .
What if it has grown out of crush and into something more..?
But than again, what can i do about it..?

You're leaving soon .
& what hurts even more is that you have no intention of returning..
I'm happy that you shared your dreams with me but it pained me knowing that i'll never see you again. That the only way to "see" you is through social network ..

You may be years older than me but you're really great.
You're the kind of guy that every girl would want..

I wished i had created more conversations and at the same time memories with you..
I actually wanted to introduce you to my sister but i realized that if you guys were to go out, it'll only crush me .

Time Machine

2011-08-27T04:47:00.002+08:00

To live without you is extremely painful.

Not having you by my side hurts cos when i need your warmth, you're no longer there.

If only you know how much i miss you right now.

How much i'm hurting and paying for my mistake.

If it's possible , i wanna make up for breaking your heart.

I wanna be with you. I wanna talk to you. I wanna see you.

I wish i could take it back and find the gut.

I can't rewind and undo what's done.

There's no redemption for me now that i've written out the story..

One mistake , that one regret , one memory I know we can't forget.

I'm a prisoner and there's no way out cos the future's past and i'm stuck in here.

No time machine would ever bring us back and no apology can ever bring this on track.

I could play it around for a thousand years but that will never change

cause nothing's gonna bring us back..

I crossed the line , i broke the rule .

I hate myself for hurting you.

My conscience weighs so heavy, like a bullet since you left me ..

Even though it kills me I gotta let you go .

I'm falling into pieces that you won't even know .

The pain inside is seeing me alive ..

I need a time machine.

The fastest that there's ever been so that i could get you back with me ..

Rewind all that's in the past cos I've never wanted anything so bad .

I can't really move on cos now that my future has become your past .

4 Years and Counting:)

2011-08-05T23:00:00.001+08:00

Pictures speaks a thousand words :)

2011-08-05T22:29:00.010+08:00

4 years, 1460 days, 87600 minutes, 5256000 seconds, and still counting.

Right now, Future, Forever, It's GIRL'S GENERATION

4th Anniversary

2011-08-05T22:07:00.003+08:00

Certainly, in life, there are some things that are one of a kind and there’s really nothing else quite like it. We all have to agree that SoShi Bond is one of those things.
Though SoShi Bond is sometimes used when we’re talking about two or more members interacting with each other, SoShi Bond usually refers to when our girls are together as 9; the moment they’re in harmony and become one. It’s something that only our girls have and it makes them stand out from others.
We know Girls’ Generation is not just a group of 9 girls, they’re more than that. They’re more than co-workers and beyond best friends. They’re like a family. They look out for each other, they depend on each other, and more importantly, they complete each other. If you think about it, each member has her different charms, strengths, and weaknesses. When they’re together, they’re able to balance out and make up for each other’s flaws. There’s Jessica’s gentleness to make up for Yuri’s toughness, Hyoyeon’s quirkiness to make up for maknae’s inflexibility, Sooyoung’s long legs to make up for Sunny’s shortness, Yoona’s innocence to make up for Taeyeon’s byuntaeness, Tiffany’s wildness to make up for Jessica’s calmness, and vice versa.
When we talk about the SoShi Bond they have, nothing is on par with its strength. Its strength is beyond imagination. It’s stronger than any chemical or ionic bond; it’s unbreakable. Many of us see other groups out there and we see them lose a member, gain a member, or even break up, but our girls are an exception. Through thick and thin, our girls have stuck together and persevered for almost 4 years now. Whatever they encounter, whether it is difficulties or joy, they have overcome and shared it together. Yoona once said, “Happiness is doubled when you share them together and sadness is halved when you share them together.” For Girls’ Generation, happiness is always nonupled and sadness is divided into nine-folds. It’s a beautiful fact we can’t deny.
Additionally, nothing is quite like SoShi Bond’s impact. It’s the reason behind our girls’ success today. If there’s no teamwork or chemistry in a group, you’re probably bound to fail, but our girls have both good chemistry and teamwork entailed in their bond. With their talented and dedicated team, they’re able to work together to deliver results and we have witness them ourselves– setting a record with 9 consecutive wins on Music Bank, being the first-ever Korean girl group to top the Oricon Chart on the day of original album release, grabbing the top of the Oricon Weekly Album Chart with a total of 232,000 copies sold in its first week of release, being the first-ever Korean girl group to be certified “Double Platinium” with 500,000 copies of their 1st Japanese album sold, etc.
Sooyoung pointed out before that only together as 9 was she able to come this far in her career and accomplish so much; “I did have some hard times back then [in Japan]. When I was there, I took the underground trains. If I wanted to be on a TV show, I had to go in advance to meet the producers and audition for them. Now, our schedule just fills up by itself. When we arrive at the airport, there are cars waiting for us. So when I went [to Japan] this time, I felt humbled. What I couldn’t do back then has become possible because I’m together with these eight.”
We can also say that SoShi Bond is the reason why our girls have fans of an exceptional multitude today as well. Many have been drawn to Girls’ Generation solely because of their bond. Every time we see SoShi Bond, we can’t help but find it admirable, right? It’s beautiful. It warms our hearts. It elicits our emotions. It makes our day. And we like this about our girls.
It’s something that keeps our girls together and is both precious to SONES and them.
“…If there’s one thing that won’t change, it’s the fact that from the beginning to the end SNSD was “one” with 9 members.” – SNSD
“I don’t think SNSD as a group will ever be broken apart. Even if after many years have gone by. Even after we get married.” – Taeyeon
“I wish SNSD’s way down can be more beautiful than anyone else’s and that we will enjoy what we have right now. I wish we would all do things with a positive mind.” – Jessica
“For me, each of SNSD members is like my own body. If one gets hurts or hears bad things from someone else, it hurts me and pains me even more. And you know, it’s impossible for only good things to happen to someone, so there will always be difficult and hurtful times; but during these times, I’m thankful that we’re each other’s supports and each other’s strength. I hope in the future, we’ll continue to lean on each other and be strong for each other. Also, when we need encouragement, we’ll continue to look for each other too.” – Sunny
“In a family, we encounter happiness but also sadness, or good things but also bad things. However, let’s be together forever until the end.” –Tiffany
“The nine of us being together is more important than anything else.” –Hyoyeon
“We can only shine brightest as SNSD when SNSD stands on one stage as nine.” – Yuri
“Like a mirror, I look right into their eyes, and they reflect me.” –Sooyoung
“Nine different people gathered and became like a family. To me, it is a very meaningful tie.” – Yoona
“We firmly believe in the power of unity and feel that it is easier to get pass hardships and challenges as a team. This gels us and keeps us strong.” –Seohyun
For me, I’m proud to be a SONE because of the SoShi Bond our girls have. It never ceases to amaze me; 9 girls becoming one.
I hope Girls’ Generation will continue to persevere for a long time.

Happy Birthday Tiffany Hwang :)

2011-08-01T20:29:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to our Brighter than Jewels Fany Fany Tiffany !

Happy Birthday Tiffany Hwang Miyoung :)

The member with the biggest heart. The one that will go to any extent

just to protect SNSD .

The one that loves unconditionally .

& will do anything just to protect the members, especially the youngest of them.

You have a really pure heart.

You love unconditionally.

You pray for your members every single day.

It's not easy living away from your family but with faith and beliefs ,

you've made it this far .

You've mark your stand .

& you've conquered Asia together with the other 8.

Without you , So Nyuh Shi Dae will never be complete .

You may make dance or pronunciation mistakes but only you can be part of SNSD :)

NINE is equivalent to ONE.

Right Now , In The Future & Forever , Girls' Generation .

2011-07-02T20:07:00.002+08:00

Is it wrong for me to feel insecure ?
Is it wrong for me to get the assurance of those that i trust ?
But than again , they did gave an assurance , but they still walk out anyway..

So here i am , wondering .
Is there anyone who care enough about me..?

Happy Birthday Maknae :)

2011-06-27T23:16:00.003+08:00

Happy 20th Birthday to Maknae Seo Juhyun .
There isn't any better maknae than you :)
A health freak but is love and adored by you r 8 lovely sister :)
A talented pianist and singer thriving to be the best :)
You've got the purest heart and love your unnies alot :)
Without you , SNSD will never have a cutest and innocent maknae .

Without you , Seo Juhyun , SNSD will never be complete.
In SNSD , 9 is equivalent to 1.

You started off as 9 and you'll end as 9 .

2011-06-22T09:55:00.002+08:00

It's you who drove me to insanity .
It's you who made me who i am now .
It's ALL of you , that made me shut you guys .

It wasn't suppose to be that way.
I wasn't suppose to feel that way .
Unfortunately, i did .
I can't trust you guys , for some reason .
You lost your trust in me , so did i .
I never confide to any of you for a reason .
I never want to approach any of you .

Strangers reach out to me better than any of you.
I trust them more than any of you .
They're the first one that i turn to and share any news with .
Not you guys .

Yes , you gave me life .
I'm thankful but that's all it is .
I'm never gonna be like how you want me to be .
I'm not gonna be like your other beloved daughter .
The daughter that did you proud by going to poly
ans continued her studies overseas .
I'm not gonna be like that .

I'm the child with an unbelievable amount of hatred .
Unbelievable amount of anger .
Unbelievable amount of pain .
Unbelievable amount of fear .
Unbelievable amount of sadness .

Look at every single one of us , not all of us possess your trait .
Unfortunately , i think i possess your worse trait dear father .
That is your anger .
One of us have to possess that and its me .
You've been testing my patience , pushing me to my limit .
I can curse as well as you dad .
I can blow my top as huge as you .
That's why you and i can never have a decent conversation .

Fire and Fire don't work well .

You yell and me , scold me etc .
Fine , i take it .
Sometimes , i'm at fault so , whatever .
I've been patience with you .
You have no idea how much your words hurt me at times .
You also have no idea what memory of you i have .
The things that you said and did are fresh in my memory .

Maybe you don't know but i'm the type that remember important things .
Every pain that i feel , will never be forgotten .

If ever we're in huge argument , be ready that i'll bring up every single thing , dad .
I WILL .
If you ever ask me why i'm rude etc , please , reflect back .
If i'm your daughter , than its obvious that i got it from you .
But if i'm adopted , than maybe i pick it up from you ..

2011-06-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

When i was lost , you were there to bring me back .
You were my source of guidance .
You were the one i relied on the most .
You were always a phone call away..
Now , you're so far away .
Even a phone call can't reach out to you..

Weren't you the one who told me that i can always talk to you when i'm
having problems ..
So where are you now ?
Even a text message can't reach out to you..

I miss you ..
I seriously do ..
I wanna talk to you..
I wanna confide to you..

Did you really leave me just like how the rest did ..?
I thought we'd still be keeping in touch but i'm wrong ..
I guess you're no different from the rest..

Than again , i can't blame you fully .
You've done your job .
You did more than you should ..

Eversince the day came , everything reminds me of you .
The table that i spent hours with .
The long nights with you.
The laughter , the stupid jokes , lame jokes etc .
I miss that bond we had .
I miss having you as a friend/confider/tutor.
You've seen me at my worst and my best .

You've seen me shed tears .
Both tears of joy and tear of sadness.
You've witnessed it all .
You've seen me hit my breaking point ..

Each time i reminisce the past , it hurts .
Cos it reminds me of the words that you said .
Words of assurance that you would say to me .

2011-06-11T21:29:00.002+08:00

You scolded me for not going down and carry the stuffs .
Whatever ass hole .
You scolded me and said that i pushed everything to you etc .

WOW .
As if as you guys never pushed everything to me.
You guys made me go down all the time cos you guys are lazy .
You guys make me go shops and buy the things you need and what you wanna eat .

WHATEVER .
You guys pushed me around alot and i kept quiet about it .
My memories of all your doings can go as far as 10 years ago .
For your info , i've shut you out of my life .
The moment i started school , i shut you out .
I HATE YOU .
& i don't care if you're related to me by blood .

2011-06-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

I don't intend to go back to the past .
I don't plan on seeing the faces that i once grew to love .
All of you are my past . Yes , i miss you guys .
But honestly , seeing some faces will just tear me apart..
I will just break to pieces.
You guys made me who i am now .
There were many happy memories but there were also bitter and painful memories..

Don't expect to see me around..
I'm never gonna show up .
It'll just make me angry and break me apart ..
I will just remind me of the hurtful time , broken promises and all .

Realization

2011-05-31T23:22:00.002+08:00

You love and care more that you should've.

I learnt about the pain that i put you through and only than did i realize the amount of pain that you had to bear . I'm sorry for being selfish .
I'm sorry for the pain that i've caused you.
No amount of ' I'm sorry' is enough to make up for the pain that i've caused you .

I came to a realization about myself a little too late . I'm sorry that i'm always running away.
You should know by now that that's what i do best. I runaway .
When reality strikes and i can't deal with it, better yet i don't know how to deal with it, I run.
I run away to my own world . I escape reality.
I create a world that I want .
Of course, I can't escape reality forever and whenever i'm ready , i'll leave the world and return to reality.
Apparently, that's what piscean do best. My way of escape is that.
When it gets too much too bear, i'll just cry it out. Now you know that I'm a coward.
In fact, a coward in denial. Apart from running away from you, all I ever do is hurt you.
I hurt you all the time yet you still stood by me. Why ?
That's foolish of you. I don't deserve someone like you. I push you away and hurt you countless time . I'm not special, i NEVER will be .

You should know that i won't change . Soon, I might just leave you again.
I might just runaway again. So my dear, please don't be too hopeful.
Please don't expect much from me. I'm a coward.
I will runaway when things get to tough for me to handle... I'm not trying to push you away, believe me .
But when i think about the pain that i've put you through , i don't wanna do it again . Isn't it better if things ended now and we distant ourselves now that later , when we get too close with each other ..?
We're closer now compared to before but its still better to end it now. At least when it happens, the pain won't be too unbearable..

I wanna do this because i care and love you.
It isn't fair that you have to deal with the pain..
Save yourself from the pain . Its still avoidable..

Happy Birthday Im Yoona :)

2011-05-30T15:43:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday Shikshin Im Yoona !

Today is your BIG day !
You're the "visual" of the group..
In the beginning , i dislike your character but as time flies , you're one of the members i love.
Heck , I LOVE all of SNSD .
You have such a pure heart and you're always there for the members.
You're an amazing actress too !
Enjoy your big day with the members.
& please , stuff food into the member's mouth !

Without you , there won't be a Visual for SNSD .

Without you , Im Yoona, SNSD will never be complete.
In SNSD, 9 is equivalent to 1.
~Jigeumeun, So Nyuh Shi Dae~

~Apeurodo, So Nyuh Shi Dae~

~Yeongwnhi, So Nyuh Shi Dae~

2011-05-15T08:12:00.003+08:00

Thanks to your vigilance , you saved Taeyeon .
Eversince this incident happen , SNSD have been more cautious
and their security is even tighter .
You're heroic act has gotten the acknowledgement of the entire world .
SONEs all over the world salute you and look up to you .

Without you , no one knows what could have happen to Taeyeon .
Seeing the way you put yourself in danger (the man wight have weapon) in order
to protect a fellow member of Girls' Generation , is a statement to the strength of
SOSHIBOND .
This bond is stronger than any ionic or covalent bond !

Thank you for being born .
Thank you for making Girls' Generation complete :)
Only 9 complete SNSD .

Happy Birthday Lee Soonkyu !

2011-05-15T07:45:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday Lee Soonkyu aka Sunny !
It's a SUNNY day :)
The energy booster in the group and also the protector of Soshi .
Without you , who know what would have happen to Kid Leader , Taeyeon .
Thanks to your vigilance , you saved Taeyeon from being dragged away by an obsessed fan . You're Soshi's HERO and PERSONAL guard :)
You joined the group last , but you within that short period of time , you manage to love the members like they're your family .

Without you Lee Soonkyu , SNSD will never be complete .
In SNSD , 9 is equivalent to 1.
~Jigeumeun , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~
~Apeurodo , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~
~Yeongwnhi , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~

2011-05-07T02:08:00.002+08:00

I feel hopeless . I feel undeserving .
I feel unmotivated . I feel unimportant .
I feel lonely . I feel replaced . I feel like it's not meant to be .
i feel like there's nothing left to look forward to .
I feel depressed . I feel judged . I feel ugly .
I feel stressed . I feel selfish . I feel stupid .
I feel weak . I feel unhappy .
I feel like a burden . I feel like everyone hates me .
I hate myself too .

Lately , all i feel like doing is curling up and just cry .
I just can't seem to understand myself .
I don't know what's going on with me .
Every night i cry myself to sleep .
Every night , my heart aches .
When everyone's asleep , i stay awake and thought to myself .
It was suppose to be my alone time and i use it to think about what's
going on with my life .
yet every single time , i end up crying .
Why ??!
I'm tired of crying every night yet i just can't stop the tears .

Everyday , i break a little more as i think about each passing day .
Every passing day , i think of you whom i miss .
Every passing day , i think about the ones that cares about me yet i'm
treating them like trash.
I keep pushing them away and hurting them .
Every passing day , i think about those that i have disappoint .
Every passing day , i think about YOU , who's heart was broken by me .
I wonder how you're doing . I wonder if you've moved on .
& i think about all the promises and whispers of love .
Every passing day , i wonder how many have been hurt by me .
& each passing day , i hate myself a little more .

Every passing day , i wonder what's going on with me .
What am i feeling inside ?
I feel so lost .
I feel so vulnerable .
I've lost the strength to keep going .
I've lost the strength to believe ...

2011-05-04T20:52:00.002+08:00

We're physically close yet we're so far away.
You're within my reach but i can't reach out to you .
Its almost impossible to get a hold of you .
Each time i try , you slip right through my fingers .
Every time i see you , my heart aches cos you don't see me .
I'm standing here yet you don't see me .
Can you see that i tried putting in the effort ?
I've dropped countless hints , hoping that you will notice it .
But you didn't .
It hurts even more knowing that i'm not the one that you will share everything
with .
Have i just become a nobody to you...?

Today my heart aches when you called me ...
I couldn't even bring myself to look at you...

2011-04-22T09:37:00.002+08:00

Hello readers .

I realized that i haven't really updated much about my life . So , here's a short update about
what's been happening in my life :)

After my O level , i basically slacked and rot at home gaining weight .
Got my O level result and i screwed up my math :(
Thus , i couldn't make it to poly so off i go to ITE .
Courses offered to me were all Business Studies so it wasn't that bad and i'm going
to Higher Nitec not Nitec . There's a difference , okay !
My top 2 choice was Event Management and Early Childhood .
I was debating which one i should place as my first choice .
In the end , Events was my first choice :)

I started school on 11 April . First 3 days was the typical orientation .
I had a hard time cos i was really scared and nervous . HAHA .
I couldn't make friends :(
My class are friendly and hyper kids . They have already bonded .
I'm stuck with the Chinese . Oh well , what can i say ?
First week , there wasn't any lesson just the usual introduction and stuffs .

On the second day of the orientation , there was a CCA roadshow .
We went to Tampines's campus for the roadshow .
Archery was my choice :)
I've always loved archery . Its my number one passion , i guess ?
HAHA .

Lesson have started .
So far , the modules that i'm doing this term are Office Application , which i really hate .
Business Environment , Communication for Business , Event Planning & Logistic and Life skills.
Also we have Sports & Wellness a.k.a PE .

I'm slowly getting to know some friends . I'm still new so hopefully as time goes by , I can be more comfortable :)
Okay , that's all for now .
I don't feel like talking much about my life right now .

Unbelievable

2011-04-18T17:34:00.003+08:00

This is one of the performance that i'm gonna remember . Why ?
Here's why :

Firstly , the obvious reason .
Taeyeon being dragged by an unknown in the middle of performance .
I really wonder what went through the girl's mind when it happened .
Taeyeon was obviously struggling to free herself from the guy's grip .
Hyoyeon , who was pushed by the man was obviously shocked .
She was practically traumatized . Her face was clearly blank .
Sunny on the other hand , was a true hero .
She immediately tried to saved Taeyeon .
She grabbed her arms trying to pull her back from the man .
I was very touched by her actions . She didn't care about the performance .
All she knew was that she needed to save Taeyeon .

Although the rest of the girl didn't notice the situation , they immediately
went over to where Taeyeon was and hurdled around her .
They turned around and saw frozen Hyoyeon . Hyoyeon could barely move
as she watched Taeyeon and Sunny .
You can see that they were worried for Hyoyeon too .

I really wanted to cry as i watched all the fancams . Why ?
My heart hurts when i see Taeyeon's face as she was being dragged .
To see Hyoyeon frozen and shocked .
To see the girls run over and worry for their Leader , Taeyeon .
Their bond is simply amazing ..

One thing that worries me the most is how Taeyeon will react to this .
Sure , she was able to continue her performance .
She was indeed very professional and she kept smiling even after the incident .
But how will this affect her in the long run ?
Taeyeon always keeps to herself . She doesn't tell others how she feels often .
Taeyeon has no one to lean on . She simply CAN'T .
Taeyeon hides most of her emotions . She hides her tears from the cameras .
Taeyeon leads by example .
She has to stay strong for her members . When they cry , she has to hold back her tears
and be strong for the other 8 girls .
That's Taeyeon . She suffers in silence and the members know it but its up to
Taeyeon whether to let it out or hold it in .
She choose to worry over others instead of letting them worry over her .
I really hope she'll go to her members and confide them .
I hope that she'll let it all out cos they will always be there to catch her ..

Secondly , as you can see in the first video , 2 members swap mic in the mid of performance .
Yuri swapped mic with Seohyun because the latter's wasn't working well .

Sure , Yuri has a solo part later on but she knows that Maknae has got even larger part
than her towards the end of the song .
So she gave her the mic with better sound .
This is a caring unnie's love for the maknae .

This isn't the first time members switch mics with each other in the performance .
They really care and love each other and would even do all those little things to help the member
shine during their parts ..

Look at the Soshi bond .
Its a bond that i will always envy .

Its a bond that will never change ...

Happy Birthday :)

2011-04-18T01:43:00.009+08:00

Happy Birthday Ice Princess , Jessica Jung Sooyeon !
You're no longer the ice princess for you've melted over
the years and became a warm ice instead .

Being one of the longest trainee , you had to endure many things in the past .
But despite that , you stayed strong to achieve this dream of yours .
Despite all the harsh criticism and rumors that was spread ,
you held your head up .

You'll always have the other 8 members that will protect ,
embrace , love and support you throughout everything .
SNSD is FOREVER 9 .

Without you , SNSD is incomplete .
In SNSD , 9 is equivalent to 1 .
~Jigeumeun , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~
~Apeurodo , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~
~Yeongwnhi , So Nyuh Shi Dae !~

Right Now , It's Girls' Generation !
From Now on , Its' Girls' Generation !
FOREVER , It's Girls' Generation !

2011-04-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

How many times have i been in that state ?
The last time i was in that state was when i believed that it was over .
That we could no longer be like how we used to .

I cried because of you .
I cried that bad because i loved you and cared about you .
Because the thought of losing you was enough to drive me insane .
It was enough to break me apart .
It may sound wrong but its the truth .
I cared for you more than i cared for him .
I would risk everything for you .
I would gladly stop whatever i was doing for you .
I don't know if you noticed it but i was always willing to go the extra
miles for you . Only you .
& i don't know why either ...

It wasn't your words that broke my heart .
It was your actions .
Every little thing that you do , bothers me .
Everytime you smile , my heart sinks a little more .
Everytime i see you , my heart aches .

We agreed and came to an agreement yet i'm suffering .
I saw you from a far and it hurts terribly .
You asked not to be avoided but i had to .
I can't look into your eyes nor can i see you cos it will only bring me to tears .
Is it selfish of me not wanting to see you happy ?
You deserve all the happiness but it hurts cos i'm not one of them to make you smile right ?
Am i still the one that you want to share things with ?
Whatever it is , you're doing great right now.
You don't need me anymore .
Honestly , i'm not sure how long i can avoid you ..

Knowing you , i can only observe from the side & it hurts
cos i can't reach out to you and say hi .
Sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of me ..
If you even remember me .

If you noticed me , thank you .
But i'm sorry cos i just can't approach you anymore .
I tried to put in effort but at times , you just don't get me ..
I've never been the straightforward type ...

I don't know which is better ..
Having you close to me or far away from my sight ....

2011-04-06T19:33:00.002+08:00

We tried . But in the end , trying wasn't good enough .
I'll miss you more than ever , but it's for the best .
Thanks for the memories . Thanks for every single thing that you've done .
Thank you for the love .
Goodbye .

Our Last Goodbye

2011-04-05T16:43:00.003+08:00

The times that i spent with you was priceless .
Though it was short , it was simply blissful .
I'm glad that i gave it a shot . Meeting up with you , listening to all your explanations .
Although its hard for me to accept and believe it , i didn't mind .

I'm sorry that i can't return your feelings .
I'm sorry that when we were together for the past months , you had to suffer
because of my coldness towards you .
I couldn't help it . I can't let my guard down because of you .
Do you know that you actually make me weak ?
Than no matter what you say or do , i'll always forgive you ?
I guess that was why you took me for granted back than , right ?
I've already forgiven you for all you hurtful actions .

I can see that you were trying very hard to make up for everything and i really appreciate it .
Seeing you again and finally able to believe you is great .
No words can describe how i feel .
Although initially i was annoyed and frustrated at you for coming back but seeing you so persistent , i gave it a shot .
I'm happy to say that i never regret .

Rizal , the entire time we were together ,
i can sense that you were suffering .
You smiled , laughed for me but deep down your heart hurts
because of me , once again .
When we were together , we tried to understand our feeling .
We tried to decipher our feelings .
You were sure of your feelings but i wasn't .
Believe me i tried to love you again .
I tried to find and get back the feelings that i had for use .
The feelings that i would get whenever you messaged me or called me .
Unfortunately , i couldn't .
Love is a big responsibility my dear .
You once trusted me with your heart but i broke it .
You were still the same always giving in .
It breaks my heart to see you go to such extents just to
please me and make me smile and laugh .

My dear , we've gone through alot .
In fact , too much for me to actually bear but because of you ,
i endured it all .
I love you but this love is nothing compared to the love i once had for you .
You showered me with endless attention and love and i feel very guilty .
It only made me feel as if i used you .
Its time to let go . Its time to move on .
My feelings for you is gone . All i have of you are memories .

Thank you for accepting my decision .
Thank you for giving yourself another chance .
Thank you for being a part of me .
We had our final goodbye .
We had our final moment .
What we had will forever be cherished between us .
If we ever meet again , i hope to see you smiling and
leading a happy life .
You deserve all the happiness in the world .

I Love You .

" The two of us died within the past few days .. Your heart died because of me
and my heart died because of you .. So in reality , both of us died
even though we tried to deny it .."

Love ?

2011-04-03T21:44:00.002+08:00

If the world wishes to get rid of things that fuel hate and hurt, why not rid it of the word love or just love in general ?
People are too selfish to find the true meaning of love .
Relationships crumble, people divorce and resort to infidelity, correct ?
So why it does even exists ?
People are wired to survive .
So in reality they do not need love to procreate, but this foolish concept was created .
Why love ? What’s the point ?
Why even try and fall in love ?
It’s either going to be forbidden or just plain stupid .
It’s only going to make one hurt more, when they fall “in love” with someone they shouldn’t .
When they know that the person they love will never love them back in the way they love them . When they have to watch the person from afar , keeping all feelings in , putting on a mask.

And in the end they get heartbroken and begin to build these barriers.
Barriers that only the person in which they are in love with can crumble .
It only makes a person cold and rude . So why all the hype ?
Why get your hopes up believing that love will conquer all when in it won’ t ?
Especially if all in all the love is directed at someone forbidden, someone off the limits .
Why try when they are only going to get hurt in the end? Or it makes them delusional .
So WHY ?
Why is it that hate is a much more disliked feeling and term when in reality love is the worst possible feeling out there ?
Sure hate pierces the heart , but love just destroys it in the end ....

Why ?

2011-03-26T22:43:00.002+08:00

You left me hanging .
We were doing fine as "friends" till one day ,
you just left me .
You did what you did best , leaving me when i least expected .
Did you forget that you promised you won't leave again ?
Did you forget that you were " sorry " ?
Even though you left me countless times , i always accepted you
back without much hesitation because i've missed you .
Because i still care and can't bear to live a life without you , i forgave you
and held you close .
After making your way through , you left me once again .
Why do you always leave without any explanation ?
Or even a goodbye ?

Its been over 2 years . Within those 2 years , you've hurt me
countless times and i've hurt you too many times too .
I regretted it and i wished i could take it back cos without you around ,
I was lost . You were the one that i want to confide to all the time .
They kept saying that you're unreal . That you don't exist .
That you don't mean anything that you said but they don't know you .
It hurts to hear them say that but i endured it for you .
It hurts cos i couldn't do anything to prove them wrong .
But those late night calls that we share , those motivating and
encouraging messages that you gave me when i'm about to give up ,
keeps me alive .

Unfortunately , just when i got you back after months of being away ,
you decided to leave again , leaving me alone .
I cried . Because i thought that this time , after listening to my explanation ,
you would stay longer but i was wrong ..

Now , after going missing for months , you came back ?!
You came back saying all those things that you know very well
i wanna hear . I grew weak when i heard all that but i'm not gonna fall for it again .
How can i accept you back ?! How can i take you back ?!
I won't deny that i miss you . But i can't just simply take you back .
I won't deny that i fell too deep . You make me weak .
Every word you say , every move you make , makes me weak .
I spent day crying over you , wondering where you were , are you safe ..
But you didn't care . Why must you come back again ?
I was doing fine without you ...

What am i suppose to do Rizal..?
I can't just simply accept you back ..
I can't ...

Story Of Love

2011-03-21T15:25:00.003+08:00

" Apakah yang sanggup dikorbankan demi cinta ..? "

Finally , i have finished watching Nur Kasih .
Such an amazing story .. Initially i thought this drama
was like those typical malay drama but boy was i wrong .
It is nothing compared to those highly over dramatic stories like
those Indonesian shows . This drama really touched me and brought me to tears .
The power of love . This show has a truly realistic approach to match the storyline
that involves a traditional beginning and soon undergo changes .

Few things that i pick out from the drama..

Melancholy Vs Happiness : This drama is full of pain . Full of sadness .
Full of sufferings . A melcachonic life that everyone ( the characters) went through ,
but over time , through realisation , through forgiveness , through repent ,
through love and will , happiness awaits , in death or life .
The brothers , the husbands , the wives , the parents , in the end , achieved happiness
not just from their own efforts for better lives , but also by God's will .

Earthly Love Vs Godly Love : In summary , Nur Kasih is a story of Love .
A story of how loves goes onto a journey of life causing sufferings , but in the end ,
it is worth it because Love , brings happiness .
Love between man and woman , love between siblings , love between husband and wife ,
love between parents and children , love of dignity , love of independence ,
love for religion , love for life itself and of course , the divine love for God .

Nur Kasih offers moral values and reminder of the struggle in life ,
particularly in the Malay society and of course , at the end of the day ,
it is up to individuals to reflect and influence their own life as they feel it ...

2011-03-15T23:41:00.002+08:00

I tried to be the best for you .
I tried to never upset you .
I tried to be there for you .
I did everything i could just to make you happy .
I gave it my all but nothing was ever enough for you .
You never did accept me , did you ?
I thought things were great between us but who was i kidding .
All this while , i've been fooling myself .

I came to a realization a little too late .
It may sound mean but i feel that you weren't worth
of everything that i did for you .
I'm not asking for anything back , but just an appreciation .
For the past few weeks , all i did was cry over you .
Regretting what i did , what i said .
Wishing that i could take it all back .
But when i look at you now , i'm speechless .

Late at night , when everyone's asleep , i'm awake
thinking about you , regretting and crying over you .
I wished that i could fix things .
Crying myself to sleep ..
Now , not a single tear is forming because of you .
Even if i cry , it won't be because of you anymore .
It will be because of my foolishness .
I was foolish and gullible to think that you cared about me ,
that you accepted me .
I was too naive .

I don't wish to say that i regret having you in my life .
But i do regret what's happen to us .
But than again , only i care . You just don't .
To you , its being too emotional .
Well , if you can't accept that about me , than you've never
really did accepted me as a friend .

So now , i'm not gonna be a part of you anymore .
I'm done . As much as it hurts me to say this , i'm sure this
is the right thing . I can't be with someone like you any longer .
I shouldn't even have been . I was just wasting my time and energy on
you . I shouldn't have made you my priority .
I shouldn't have treated you better . I should've treated her better .
She deserved it more than you ever did .
Do i hate you ? No , i don't .
I'm just disappointed .
Thanks for the memories and the heartache .

2011-03-12T19:53:00.002+08:00

Remember when we used to talk everyday ?
Make fun of each other and laugh about it ?
Bother and annoy each other and try out hardest to apologize ?
Better still , remember when we used to be best friend ?
Well , maybe you should know that i miss you .

2011-03-12T12:59:00.002+08:00

Honestly , there is no use in keeping the past in my present ,
but it just constantly catch up with me wherever i go and whatever i do .
It's been months but i guess the reason why those thoughts are still in my head
is because there was never a real closure to all of it .
Will i ever get the closure that i need ..?
I'll never get the answer for the answer lies within you ...

2011-03-11T15:57:00.001+08:00

Courage is when you're afraid ,
but you keep on moving.
Courage is when you're in pain ,
but you keep living anyway .

Those were the words that i said to you .
Yet now , i can't use it for myself because up till now ,
i do not have the courage to even believe ..

2011-03-11T15:50:00.002+08:00

I don’t understand many things and I’d rather live in ignorance then find the answer to most, but this is something
that I’ve pushed to the back of my mind for quite some time.. I’m trying to make sense of it all but each time I think about it seriously,
I feel myself growing distant from alot of my friends and myself ;the person I thought I was.
I’m just scared cause the last thing I want, is for these reoccuring thoughts to be true

2011-03-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

Why am i still weak ?
Why does my heart still hurts when i see everything you do ?
I'm happy that you're happy but why does it hurt ?
I'm supposed to move on already , but why am i still here , crying over you ?
Why am i still holding on ?
Must i really cut off everything for me to move on ?
Must i really go to such extend just to forget you ?
Why must you have such a huge impact on me ?
Why did i have to care so much about you ?
Why did i make you my 'priority' when i meant nothing to you..?
I'm left alone because i've lost everything .
I've lost everyone . I've lost you .
Why...?

2011-03-09T00:31:00.002+08:00

Amazing vocal :)

Kim Taeyeon JJang ! :)

I love you for being strong and enduring all the harsh criticism .
I love you for being strong for your group , holding back your tears and giving them strength .
I love you for keeping SNSD as one and never letting anyone fall .
You put others before yourself .
You lead by example and you lead them well .
Because of your driven efforts , SNSD has reach the top .
Saranghae Kim Taeyeon :)

Happy Birthday :)

2011-03-08T23:31:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday Kid Leader , Kim Taeyeon !

Without you , SNSD is incomplete .

Jigeumeun , So Nyuh Shi Dae ~
Apeurodo , So Nyuh Shi Dae~
Yeongwnhi , So Nyuh Shi Dae~

Right Now , It's Girls' Generation !
From Now On , It's Girls' Generation !
Forever , It's Girls' Generation !

2011-03-08T23:11:00.001+08:00

It is painful to not be with those that you love and equally
painful to be with those that you hate .

Someone Like You

2011-03-08T21:29:00.002+08:00

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Believe it or not , i'm gonna let go .
I'm not gonna hold on to it any longer .
I'm gonna walk out . I can't stay any longer .
It will only kill me cos its obvious you don't care .
You will never care , right ?
I was a fool to think that you'd even bother .
I kept denying it to the point that there's nothing more that can be denied .
Its clear .
Sometimes in friendship , it last but sometimes it hurts .
I've hurt you too much with my actions .
No matter how much i tried to make it up , you never really did
give me a chance ...

What Are Words

2011-03-07T11:55:00.002+08:00

Many times , i've abused the meaning of words .
Now , i deeply regret it .
There were times that i meant every word i say but there were also times that
i said it just for the sake of saying it .
I said things without thinking it through . I just say it to save
the situation .
Now , not only did i end up hurting others , i'm badly bruised too .
I'm bruised by my own words .
I guess from now onwards , i have to use actions to prove myself
and not rely on words .
Until i can truly mean what i say , its better to prove it
with actions ...

The Best Gift

2011-03-01T13:39:00.005+08:00

28 February .
A beautiful girl was brought to our life .
She goes by the name of Alia Qaisarah .
She's the best birthday present for both me and my sister .
Coming in between your aunties.
At least NO one will ever forget your birthday .
Alia Qaisarah .
Such a beautiful name for a beautiful baby with a super sexy lips .
Yes , we came to an agreement that your lips was so sexy like Angelina Jolie's .
When we first saw you , you were struggling to open your eyes , as if you heard us calling out to you although we were separated by a glass window . Nevertheless , you gave us a 'wink' .
We immediately fell inlove .

Yes , i love you my dear niece :)

To the new parents :
Alia Qaisarah is the greatest gift for the 2 of you .
My dear sister in law , you suffered alot didn't you ?
I saw how lethargic and weak you were when you were wheeled to your room .
But the frown went away as soon as Alia came in .
I could see the happiness sparkling in your eyes although you were still physically weak .
My dear brother , you've become a dad ! That's pretty fast .
I can already see some similar traits in your precious daughter . I like seeing how you adore her and constantly want to hold her in your arms but was stopped by mum and sister .
I can see how much you want to pamper her and shower her with endless love .
I'm sure both of you will make a great parent .
All the best !

2011-02-28T10:57:00.002+08:00

I won't cry again .
I won't be sad anymore .
My heart won't be affected by loneliness & sadness again .
I'm not going to get weaker .
Even if i look more sad because of that , don't comfort me .
Cos i'll get through it on my own ..
Maybe i have to cry sometimes because i was expecting too much .
But crying is better than holding it in .

17

2011-02-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

26 February , the day i was brought to the world .
So , nothing much happen . It's just like any other day .
i've never really celebrated my birthday since there's no one who wants to
celebrate it . Pathetic much ?
Hahah . Well , that's reality for me .
Although i didn't get to celebrate or smile throughout the day , i spent some time with my sister .

So , she called me and asked to meet me .
I agreed and met her at Bedok Point . She let me choose the place to eat .
initially i wanted Eatzi but i changed my mind . Instead , i opted for banquet .
Firstly , i felt bad and didn't want to waste her money . Also , i wanted to eat japanese cuisine .
So , i ate Japanese while sister ate Korean . Mine was nice .
My sister regretted her choice . Hehe . After that , walked around .
She asked if i wanted anything . While walking , we looked at shoes , watch etc .
She kept asking if i wanted anything but i said no .
But she knows very well that i wanted a watch . While were at the watch shop , we looked around
and she wished i met her at Bugis instead so that she can buy me the watch of my choice .
Actually , i saw one that i liked but just kept quiet .
After about 3 hours , we split . She went off to meet her friend and i went home .
Before that , i wanted to top up my card but she took my card and top up for me instead .
I wonder how much she top up . I had $20 from my mum to top up but since she used her money ,
i guess i get to keep that $$ . HEHE .

Spending some time with her wasn't that bad . She's trying to get closer to me .
Actually , i know she dotes on me . She does care but unfortunately , past mistakes makes
it hard for me to accept her . Nevertheless , i know she's trying hard especially since she has
stared work . She's the one who always defends me when i get into trouble with my dad . She usually backs me up . Now , we're slightly closer since we both love the same Kpop group .
It makes it a whole lot better . She's trying but i just can't allow myself to fully accept her just yet .. Maybe one day i will :)

Last Goodbye

2011-02-26T11:40:00.004+08:00

"Broken hearts and last goodbyes ,
Restless nights but lullabies helps to make this pain go away .."

When i look back at the past , the words said , the feelings expressed
and the emotions displayed , i honestly regret it .
Really , if i could turn back time , i would take everything back .
If i knew that it would cause so much heartache , i wouldn't have done it .
I never meant to , honestly . I know nothing i say or do can change anything
but i'm seriously sorry . I know sorry can't fix it but that's the least i could say .

I realized that i've let you down . I told you that i'd be around but i wasn't .
I'm sorry for breaking all the promises that i wasn't around to keep .
There 's no one to blame except for myself .
I wished you had stayed . I wished you could give me another chance but i know its
impossible after what's been done .
Honestly , i'm filled with sorrows and pain , knowing that i am to blame .

I never meant to leave . I never meant to walk away . I never meant to go overboard .

I never meant to care more than i should've . I shouldn't .
I accepted you and chose to befriend you , yet i judged you .
That was the biggest mistake . I never meant to judge . I only meant to care .
You were obviously disappointed and angry at me .
You must hate me now . I don't blame you for hating me either ..
I am disgusted with myself right now . How could i have done that ?
Why did i posses that trait ?! I hate myself right now for being judgmental .
I shouldn't be your friend . I don't deserve to be your friend .
I'm sincerely sorry . Even if you can't accept it , i hope one day , if we ever meet again ,
i hope by than you have forgiven me .

Where do we go from here ? This question has been replaying in my head .
I guess the answer is quite obvious right ?
I guess i'm just too stubborn to accept the fact .
Its more obvious now since i waited for you , or at least a message but there was non .
Frankly , i was really sad but i'll take it that you're caught up with work and not any other reason.

I guess i'll end it here . If i continue any further , my tears will start to flow .
Although it has already ran down my cheeks , i shall stop it now .

If there was a way for me to prove it to you , i would .
You'd probably be shocked by the amount of things i remembered .

I'll never regret my friendship with you because when i was weak , you gave me strength .
When i was sad , you brought my smiles .
When i was hurt , you came to my aid .
I would be nothing without you .

"There's nothing i can say to you , nothing i can ever do to
make you see what you mean to me .
All the pain and the tears i cried , we still said goodbye.."

2011-02-13T16:34:00.002+08:00

Recently , i read about Emo kids .
I'm pretty sure that they're still around . In fact , they could be
around us too .
Some may cast them aside and push them away . Or even look down upon them .
Why ? Why would they do that ?
Most don't realise and think that they're seeking attention when truth is they're not .
They are reasons for them acting like that . They too are human and have feelings .
In fact , they may feel more than others . The pain that they carry within them maybe too much
for them to bear thus resulting them to cut themselves to escape it all .
They do it because its better to feel physical pain . & its true .
Physical compared to emotional is much better .

They hurt so much inside that it would be easier to feel physical pain so as to cover the
pain they feel inside . Its their way to escape when they can't let it out .
Honestly , i'm not sure if they enjoy it but if it helps , they would do it anyway .
Others judge them when they see these kids without trying to understand why they did it .
I feel that they carry too much pain by themselves and they have no one to share it with to
lighten their burden , to share their pain to take it away .
They held it in within themselves and with every move , and as day passes ,
they hurt a little more .

I could understand them as i myself went through it and did what they did .
Firstly , i held on too long on something .
Secondly , they have no one that they could pour out too .
No one to share their pain or even to listen to them .
They had to find a way to escape and they eventually did which is self mutilation .
Also , with each drop of blood , they feel lighter . They feel as if their problem has been
taken away from than .

Did i enjoy it ? Honestly , not at all .
I hated it but it helped me get by .
Ridiculous as it is , its true . I'd spent days pretending in front of others
and when i'm all alone by myself , all those emotions come sneaking and take over me .
Thus , i did what i did . What's left now are scars that i made on my own .
Scars that are only visible to me . Scars that tells me a story .
Right now , i'm fine . I no longer so it because i found my way out .
I do not have anyone that i can trust to fully understand me but i have people who cares .
They do not have to be friends of the same age .
For me , its not friends of the same age at all . I met older people and they
understood me better . They guided me and helped me through .
They were some that let go after a while but they were that stayed .
Thanks to those that stayed , i'm healthy . I was almost on the verge of no return
but they saved me in time . I sincerely thank them .

I honestly think for those people , they just haven't found the right person .
They haven't found someone that they could trust they can confide to .
Once they do , i'm sure they'll be free and healthy because once they meet someone
that genuinely care for them , they wouldn't want to do anything that will upset them .
They wouldn't want to hurt them with their actions .

2011-02-13T00:57:00.003+08:00

People have scars . In all sorts of unexpected places.
In fact , its like secret road maps of their personal histories. Don't you think so ?
All those diagrams of all their old wounds.
While most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar , some of them don’t.
Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and even though the cut was long gone,
the pain still lingers on . This makes it more painful , right ?
Because although the cut is gone , you still the pain . Those pain will
automatically remind you of the incident that led to the wound . Although you have no intention of
recalling the event . Once you relive the scene again , your heart hurts . It aches and you would scream in pain . Not physically but mentally . The physical pain was long gone .
Personally , emotional pain hurts even more , right ? & when you have no control of it ,
you gave in and break down .
We often thought that we won't break down because we've let it go but in actual fact ,
we hadn't .

We never really did let it go but we learn to move on with the what was left behind .
In this case , the scars , wounds etc .
Our heart learn to live on in spite of the scar over it .
We will have more scars someday because we will get hurt by those we love and care in the future.
You see , scars , with life , are unavoidable . No matter how much you try and how hard you try to not let yourself get hurt , you will still get hurt in a way or another . There's no escape from it .

We shouldn't let those scars terrify us and bring us down . We shouldn't let those scars prevent us from moving on . In fact , we should be happy to have the scars because each scars tells a story .
A painful story but also it reminds us that we survived it . It will remind us that even with that scar , we managed to survive and get by it .

2011-01-25T01:43:00.002+08:00

Polls apart but we were still best friends .
Even if we're no longer best friends , i hope to be a friend that you can
come to whenever you're down or whatsoever . I can't promise that i'll be
there all the time but i will try .
When i learned and figured out more about you , about your
background , i told myself that i will be a friend that you can always approach and
you can confide to . I'm not saying this out of sympathy or for the sake of saying it .
Trust me , i did not . I mean it from the bottom of my heart .
You were different from others that i knew . Upon learning of you background ,
i became more curious about you . I wanted to be the friend that will cheer you up all the time
and not let you cry . It's impossible to prevent someone from crying but i wanted to try .
However , i failed terribly , the moment i made you cry on 23.10.09 .
I was really disappointed with myself . We made so many plans together but i had to ruin it .
When i told you about it , you thought i was joking but sadly i wasn't .
When i heard you cry , i felt really terrible and i broke down .
Never in a million years did i thought i'd make a friend cry . At least not you .
Throughout the years we've been friends , i've never been happier .
Unfortunately , while being with me , i often bring down the mood due
to my attitude and depressing way of life .
I wish i could have the same mindset as you but it's never gonna happen .
Now , a new year has begun and we're each taking our own path .
There's nothing more that i want that to see you succeed and be healthy .
You're capable of achieving your dream . Why ?
Because unlike me , you never give up and you're always optimistic .
Take care of yourself and cherish every moment .
Never leave room for regret . Don't make the same mistake like i did .
All the best and enjoy your journey :)

For You

2011-01-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

I met her at the age of 13 . She had her hair tied neatly unlike now . She also had her thick framed spectacle on .
She had a chic and cool look . At that instant , i knew she could be the innocent type or the opposite . However , i was very sure that she was the innocent type but had a cold personality , judging by the way she walked and
it certainly gave off an innocent image . I wasn't right nor was i wrong .
I would she's in between . I gave her the nickname "cool" .
Lame ? I know but i was 13 than , so i guess it's still acceptable ?
Honestly , when i think back , it was rather ridiculous . HAHA .

We started talking but we weren't close . However , thanks to Fatin , we became close .
All 6 of us . It was only possible because i was friend with Fatin since i sit next to her every morning and we
would annoy and disturb each other all the time during DnT lessons . HAHA .
That girl was really cute and fun to be with .
We became much closer in '08 . I don't really know how it happened but it just happened .
Honestly , i never expected to be close to you at all .
Especially you . HAHA .
6 was a nice number because it was even . We didn't have to fight for partners when
going for learning journeys etc . I couldn't think of one common ground we had until i saw your DnT marks .
We were the only 2 girls that failed that subject . HAHA . I found it quite funny actually .

As 2008 came to an end , we had our streaming . Fatin left and it was down to 5 . It was
rather empty without her but it was still fine . Since 5 is an odd number , there's obviously issues when it comes to partnering . 2009 was a new beginning for the of us . It was as if fate brought us together , unbroken .
Our friendship became better , i guess ? Everyday was filled with never ending laughter .
Although the best memory i had with you was during the camp :)
It was really nice although you screamed at me for waking you up ..
'09 was really a blast . We were always fooling around and hanging out after school .
Unfortunately , you're never with us when we go out . I think it was this year that i became more closer to you .
You would always sit next to me during lesson and we would talk or you would just draw on my hand .
Apparently , my hand was like a paper for you . You would always draw on my hand and occasionally let me draw on yours although i really suck at it . HAHA .
You're very talented my dear .
I would also go over to your place and we would study together and even talk about the future .
The future that we both wanted to have . The way we said it and planned it was as if we'll be friends till eternity .
Unfortunately , i didn't make it .

News came that i didn't make it . I guess i didn't study hard enough .
It was really sad as i thought about what a bad friend i was to you .
I was suppose to go through 2010 with you but i was about to leave you and let you embark on the journey on your own . Technically you're not alone as you have Ahlina and Aidah since Aqilah didn't make it too .
At that moment , i was really disappointed with myself . Despite being disappointed , i was really proud of you cos you made it . You totally deserved it and your hard work paid off .
I told myself that since its gonna be a tough year for you , i will always try my best to be there for you .
I would listen to all your complaints and let you vent your anger and frustration to me because i thought since i won't be there by your side , it was the least i could do as a friend .
However , luck was on my side . I was given a second chance to redeem myself , which i did .
Fortunately , i made it through . However , although i was happy , i was devastated .
Aqilah did not succeed . I was rather depressed by the news .

2010 began and it was a bitter start . I was too sad that 'Aqilah wasn't around that i neglected you .
I was too carried away with my emotion that i actually pushed you away without even realizing .
Upon realizing , i felt really guilty . I wanted to make up for it but i just didn't know how .
I didn't know where to start and i didn't know how bad it had been .
Eversince than , our friendship strained, right ?
& i know you doubted me cos i once told you that our bond will never break unless
one of us walk away . I walked away . So , i didn't really blame you cos i didn't keep my words .
You had to endure it and i guess you just couldn't take it anymore ...

2011-01-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

Wow . Its been 24 days since i updated my blog . Each time i want to update , there's always something stopping me. So , my next stage of life would probably be to Higher Nitec . Initially i was really disappointed but if i looking at the bright side , i will be able to experience new thing and be in a new environment . I will also get to learn and meet new people from across the country . Hopefully i get into my preferred choice which i Business Studies - Event Management . Sounds pretty interesting to me . HAHA .

Lately , i've been very troubled over some things in life . Than again , life is never free from troubles right ?
I'm not sure what to post today . Maybe my personal life issues ? Haha . Lately , my emotions have been taking over me . I've been feeling sad and down for no reason . I mean there has to be a reason for me to act that way but i'm just not sure what . Most of the time i cry when i listen to some songs . I guess that song kind of describe how i truly felt inside . I'm gonna stop now . In a short while , i'm gonna have a special post for someone .

BYE !

A New Beginning

2011-01-01T01:47:00.002+08:00

2010

This year , i turned 16 and took my O level .
This year is my fourth year in BNSS .
In this very school , i met 4 incredible girls for without them ,
my life would be very empty .
'Aqilah Jumaat , Noraishah Alkhatib , Nurahlina Ismail & Noraidah Malik .
Without these 4 loud , funny , caring girls , my life would be very empty .
We've spent 4 years together . Its as if we're inseparable .
Haha . Since we're girls , it normal to fight right ?
We've had fights but deep down , we know that we can't stand to be mad each other
for too long because of the bond that we've created right ?
Each one of you is very precious to me .
I hope that our friendship doesn't end here .
I hope that even when we're on different part of the world , we'd still
think of each other and remember each other .
Lastly , from the bottom of my heart ,
I LOVE YOU .

Apart from those 4 incredible girls , there are also new ones that i met .
She goes by the name of Samantha Chan . My partner for 2 years .
She tried so hard to make me like Kpop and i guess her hard work paid off
cos i finally fell for it . Although she's unhappy with the group that i love ,
she's still happy cos i'm like her now . This girl is seriously awesome .
Although sometimes ,she's scary when she's all quiet , most of the time she's fun.
We're always laughing in class and whenever we're doing our work , we have our earpiece on.
Usually we're the first to put it on . HAHA .
Sam , thanks for being so awsome and for helping me in my studies .
2 years with you have been really amazing . You've got a bright future ahead of you .
Chase your dream and follow your heart .
I LOVE YOU .

Carissa Boo . I did not forget you .
A friend that i've know since i was 13 .
A friend that i had a long history with .
We've had endless fights and disagreements.
Trust me , you would be surprise to know the numerous arguments that we've
had . & the fact that we're still close is amazing .
I guess we have a unique friendship ?
The thing about us is that we know each other too well .
Thus , its crazy if people were to tell me bad things about her cos i can just say in their
face that they're wrong . We don't spenfd much time together but that is not important right ?
I LOVE YOU .

This year gave me many precious memories .
Every minute and every second was very precious to me .
I met new people that helped changed me .
My 2 precious guides .
My teacher and tutor , without them , i'd probably still be lost .
To my teacher who told me never give up and believed in me ,
thank you so much . Although i feel that i'm gonna disappoint you ,
you've given me enough trust . You believed that i can make it .
I hope you're right . You're more than a teacher to me .
You're more like a mother to me .
You defended us and took up the challenge of helping us become better people.
Its not easy but you persevered .
You believed in us more than anyone ever did .
You loved us and cared for us like we were your own kids .
I'm sorry that we hurt you and made you sad with our attitudes and behaviour
towards life . It must've pained you right ?
Thank you Mdm Chan .

Next, my personal tutor .
You became a friend , confider and my inspiration .
You changed me alot .
You've helped me alot and cared for me .
You never gave up on me and kept pushing me .
You believed in me and kept telling me that i'll be fine .
You must be tired of me right ?
When i needed a listening ear , advice , you were always there .
You didn't mind the late night messages .
& you didn't mind accompanying me to study til late night.
You've helped me and you've done more than you shlould've .
I have nothing more than just gratitude .
You became a huge part in my life only you could see the difference right ?
HAHA .
Thank you , Kak Ili .

This year was an important year for me .
It was the year that will determine my future .
I've made a lot of mistakes , i've regretted a lot of my actions
but its too late now . Honestly , i wish i could rewind time so that i can spend
more time with some precious people and also changed my attitude .
I realised a little bit too late . I realised the importance of my studies a little too late
but i'm proud of myself for somethings .
Things that i never used to know , i knew it well at my fingertips .
It may seem trivial but for me , it isn't . Although i have a feeling that the results would be
discouraging , i'll have to accept it . I really wonder what my future has in store for me
and which path i will be taking next .
I hope i have the strength to overcome it all .
I hope that i will be able to make the wise decision and make good use of my life .

2011

Now that a new year have begun , i hope i will have a good start .
I hope i will have the strength to overcome all difficulties.
& i hope that i will become a better person and be more brave and optimistic .
Whichever path i take , i hope i will get the support from those around me and
i hope they will be there for me and not let me fall .
& the same time , i wish to gain new experience , life experiences in particular .

2010-12-14T20:53:00.002+08:00

The one that never fail to make me smile .
The one that never fail to cheer me up .
The one that never fail to be there for me at any situation .
The one that stood by me through it all .
The one that believed in me when no other did .
The one that lifted me up and gave me faith .
The one that will listen and tolerate my never ending complaints and whines .
The one that will share with me the story of his life .
The one that makes me laugh till my stomach hurts .
The one that can easily tell when i'm stoning .
The only one who has seen me cry because of certain things .

Despite the 7 year age gap , i'm comfortable with you .
You make me smile , laugh and cry .
Never have i enjoyed someone's companion like that .
Especially when you entertain me till late night .
I miss all those times with you .
I really enjoy all those times and mostly when we share
stories together .

I'm really lost without you .
Been together for almost a year and i became dependent on you .
Nevertheless , you didn't mind it at all .
You can leave now but i'll never forget you .
Every moment spent will be remembered .
I'll cherish every moment with you .
No one understand how i feel and they never will .

2010-12-09T01:50:00.003+08:00

Even though we know the truth, we always lie to ourselves just to make us feel better,
just so we can keep going on with our lives and believing that we never made a
mistake so that we don't carry the guilt and burdens from it.

But when it comes down to the end what exactly do we remember the most?

Although we might want to only look at the good memories, you can't always avoid looking at the mistakes and in reality , when we look at our mistakes and accept the truth and move on we just become stronger.

Whenever we talk about letting go , its not necessarily just about love .
There are many things that we should let go sometimes but we just refuse to .
We know deep down that we have to but we insist on holding on .
Why ? Simply because when we were in that moment , everything was a joy .
It was blissful . That's one reason why we hold on .
Believe me , i held on to the past too long that it hurts so much .
When we let go , it doesn't mean that we forget and erase everything away .
It just means that we're giving ourselves a chance to experience something new .

Also , even if we let go of the past , memories that we have will always be within us .
If ever you want to look back , just close your eyes and look into your heart .
They will appear . Better yet , pictures .
We don't realize it but whatever happens in our life , will definitely be captured .
Not physically but you know what i mean.

Each and everyone of us have our own story .
Our life story began the moment we were welcomed to this world .
& ends the moment we live this world .
Every event that happen , every heartbreaks will be within you .
Its pretty much like a story book . If you miss something that happen 2 years ago ,
just revisit that chapter .

2010-12-05T18:47:00.002+08:00

I guess this is really true .
I keep saying this when i know i'm never gonna do it .
& there's only 1 person that i keep saying it to .
I guess i know i hoped that you could save me each time
cos you're the only one that i know can save me .
Each time i fall , you had to listen to my whines and my complaints
& how i'm alway losing the courage and confidence .
You would alays try to assure me that i'll be fine that i'm okay
and that i can make it through .
until one point , where you feel that my words were unacceptable and
you knock some sense into my head .
At that moment , i felt your frustration .
Believe me , i did .

2010-11-29T23:05:00.002+08:00

At times of need , you're the one that i want to turn to .
Unfortunately , i know i can't and i shouldn't .
Not after everything that you've done for me .
Not after the huge burden that i had impose on you .
The burden of talking me out of everything , comforting me ,
advising me and guiding me .
Right now , you're off with your own life .
You can't always be around when i need you to .
Frankly , i hate the fact that i'm too dependent on you .
Whenever there's a doubt , a situation , a moment where i forgot
thing that i shouldn't , or when i'm at lost ,
you were only a phone call away .
You were my encyclopedia . I would be very lost without you .
Well , i am lost right now without you .

I Thought We Were Friends

2010-11-24T21:14:00.004+08:00

What wrong did i do to you until you could do such thing to me ?
How could you lie to me and fooled me for 2 years .
How could you even be with me without feeling guilty ?
You saw me cry and comforted me although you knew all along .
Why were you so cruel as to do such thing to me ?
I believed you . I trusted you .
I thought you were my friend .
I forgave you over and over again despite what you did .
The fact that you watched me being fooled and the fact that you were part of it
really left me speechless.
When i think about the things that i had to endure being your friend , it wasn't worth it at all.
I thought you'd change .
I thought you won't repeat what you did back when we were younger but i was wrong .
I guess people like you never learn.
When i ignored you and stopped being you friend , you begged me.
Begged me to forgive you and all .
I did but what good did it bring me ?
It only gave me more sufferings .
Why ? Cos whenever you're in trouble , i have to help you .
Although it is a huge burden , i still did it cos you were my friend .
I cared about you . When everyone talked about you , i had to be strong and listened to their piercing words .
I stood up for you cos they don't know you like i do .
But i was wrong .
I guess i really don't know you at all .
I guess what they said about you were true .
You , whom i regard as a best friend , stood by the side and watched me while i was being deceived.
I felt humiliated by you . I feel used by you .
I hope you had your fun .
I hope you enjoyed watching me suffer and being fooled .
You were a great actress . You ought to awarded .

As of today , i'm no longer your friend .
As of today , i will not be associated with you anymore .
You no longer exist in my life and i never knew you .
I won't bother about you nor will i even lend you a helping hand .
& trust me , when you need a friend , i WILL not be there .
I shouldn't have accepted you back .
I shouldn't have forgiven you .
I REGRET IT .

2010-11-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

School's finally out !
This is the first week of holiday .
It has only been 4 days and i'm dying from boredom .
Haven't started my job hunting . I shall start soon .
Shall ask Aishah to go with me .
So anyway , it feels very weird to not touch my books and not wearing my uniform .
Hahahah .

Today , woke up around 11.3oam .
This is the latest that i woke up .
Slacked around and helped mum with her stuffs .
Than thankfully , Aishah called me and asked me to accompany her .
I was so happy as there wasn't much to be done at home .
Met her around 3 at Bedok inter and went to Post office .
After which we headed to POSB to make an inquiry .
Next , had lunch at Ice Cube cafe =)
Its at Bedok Library . I've longed to eat the spaghetti there .
While eating , we talked about how ridiculous our parents are !
Funny how we had the same problem . Hahah .
While eating , there were some violent scenarios .
It broke my heart seeing that scene .
After feeling our empty stomach , we went to Watson .
Bought some stuffs and headed to Ntuc .
I had to buy diapers for my grandma while Aishah bought household stuffs .
I swear Aishah was like a housewive buying those stuffs .
HAHAHHAHA .

Around 6 , we left and went our separate ways .
On the way back , i felt so embarrassed carrying 3 plastic of diapers .
Anyway , reached home around 6.30 .
Now , i'm here in front of the laptop .
Life is pretty boring right now .
I NEED a job soon !
HAHA .

Thank You

2010-11-10T07:12:00.002+08:00

People come into our life for a
reason , a season or a lifetime .

When someone is in our life for a reason , it is usually to meet a need that we have expressed .
They have come to assist us through a difficulty , to provide us with guidance and support , to
aid us physically , emotionally or spiritually .
They may seem like a godsend and they indeed are .
They are there for the reason we need them
to be . Then , without any wrong doing on our part or at an inconvenient time , this person will say or do something to bring it the relationship to an end . When this happens , we must realize that our needs has been met , our desired fulfilled , and their work is done .

Some people come into our life for a season , because our turn has come to share , grow or learn .
They bring us an experience of peace or make us laugh . They may teach us something that we have never done before . They usually gives us an unbelievable amount of joy .
Believe that it is real , but only for a season .

Lifetime relationship teaches us lifetime lessons : Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation . Your job is to accept the lesson , love the person , and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life .

You came into my life for a reason and season .
You've done your job and i'm really thankful for it .
We spent 10 months together and i'm really glad that i got to know you .
I'm really fortunate to have met you .
Not only did you help me with my daily work but also with my personal issues .
You listened to them and tried to help .
I salute you and look up to you for many reasons.
You took time out to accompany me to study till late night .
I really really appreciate it .
I always look forward to your lessons as i know that it will be fruitful and
filled with never ending laughter.

Thank you for your believing in me when i had no faith in myself .
Thank you for changing my perspective towards life .
Thank you for guiding me through everything .
Thank you for all the wrongs that you've made right .
Thank you for all the advice .
Thank you for not giving up on me and pushing me till the end .
Thank you for not judging me .
Finally , thank you for making every lesson lively and full of laughter .

2010-11-08T12:10:00.002+08:00

" I don’t like seeing my friends perceive their life as pointless or worthless. I can’t stand it when the people I love think that they’re never enough. I abhor the fact that they seem to think they’re expected to be some sort of supernatural. It disgusts me that they believe they’re not enough, or that they don’t deserve happiness. I absolutely hate it because although I don’t know what the precise trigger was, I know exactly what part of them makes them think so.

But what I hate even more is seeing it, knowing I can’t do anything about it. I hate that no matter what I say, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t simply pick them up and take their problems away. I hate that sometimes I feel as if it’s not my place to try and make them feel better. But you know, if I could get them to listen to me; if I could get them to actually believe the words I’d say, I’d say this:

There is no way that you could possibly be a disappointment. Please don’t give up. The only reason why you want to give up is because you’re looking at it from the “how far you’ve got to go” point of view instead of the “how far you’ve already come”. Look carefully, analyse carefully and you’ll see that you are enough. Nobody wants or needs you to be superhuman. You are perfectly adequate the way you are. Stop beating yourself up for things that are out of you control. It doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks, God made you who you are because who you are to him is more than enough. He put you into this world fully equipped for all your struggles. There is no way he’d put you here without his full support and without people who love you. Don’t pay attention to anyone else, you’re absolutely perfect just the way you are. "

Thank you , friend .

Unfortunately , when one sees life the way they do now for decades , its impossible to change it .
No matter how we try to , it always gets to us .
We don't believe not because we can't but because we choose not to .
To believe and be hurt by the result is something that i just don't dare to face and deal with .
When we say all this things , its not to gain sympathy from others but just to express our
deepest feeling . Somethings just can't be understand . I understand what you're saying but i can't change my ways now . Its a little to late to do so .

2010-11-06T12:34:00.001+08:00

2010-11-03T16:22:00.001+08:00

Just because she comes off strong,
doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying.
And even thought she acts like nothing is wrong,
maybe she's just really good at lying.

2010-10-30T13:56:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i post a proper post .
I really miss this blog .
I shall post something proper today .

I've been living on this planet for 16 years .
That's how much i've grown .
Its seems rather surreal but its reality .
Currently , i'm sitting for my O level .
Its not a dream come true but more like a nightmare .
Everyday , i question myself if i can get through it .
People are constantly telling me that i'll be fine and that i'll do well .
People are constantly telling me not to worry .
I wish i could do that but its unlike me to do that .
When they have faith in me , it scares me . Why ?
Because i know that i can't disappoint them .
The thought of disappointing them just pains me alot .
On the other hand , i don't dare to dream , be hopeful etc .
Because when if i do that , i might just end up getting hurt and it will just
'kill' me .
Let's put that aside .
I'm left with a few more papers . Although i'm very discouraged and kind of unmotivated ,
i'll try my best . Afterall , there's more than one route to success .

Anyway , recently , i've been keeping in touch with people from my past .
Hahaha . I was shocked to receive her message .
HAHA . It was just unbelievable .
Her message made my day .
I'm really thankful to have her around .
Even though i've disappointed her alot , she's still around to care .
I feel so guilty but i can't go back in time .

Life actually feels rather empty right now .
Many things are coming to an end .
Although i don't love my school , the friends and memories i had there
is too precious to forget . Also , this year i met new people .
Amazing people i should say . My form teacher and my tutor .
The 2 important people that guided me through this obstacles .
I really owe them alot . They've been there and done alot for me .
That's nothing else that i can say to them besides Thank You .

2010-10-03T11:47:00.002+08:00

Hello readers !

Wow.. Its been a long time since i updated my blog.

Its less than 3 weeks to the major exam.
Honestly , i'm very worried.
I haven't been pushing myself to the limit yet .
I'm still lagging as compared to my other friends.
I hope , i can make it through.
Pray for me , okay ?

As time and days elapse , i'm more worried and sad.
Its coming to an end.
No more BNSS and no more nagging from teachers.
Its a joy but also sad.
Cos i'm leaving.
Its like the end of everything but a new beginning to something.

I'm gonna miss many things and many people.
I'm definitely gonna miss Kak Ili !
Having her around is a blast !
Hahaha.
For instance yesterday .
We laughed throughout the whole lesson .
Those small little thing could make us laugh like nobody's business.
Yesterday was really filled with laughter but it was still fruitful :)

BYE !

2010-07-25T14:04:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry if i'm the child you never wanted .
I'm sorry that i can't be like the rest .
I'm sorry that i'm the black sheep of the family .
I'm sorry that i'm such a disappointment to you .
I'm sorry that i can't be prefect .
I'm sorry that i can't be like her .
No matter how hard i try , you're never proud of me .
I try so hard not to think about the pain i feel inside but i can't .
Sometimes , your words and actions leave a deep scar .
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said .
& nothing can ever make it right again..
I can't keep pretending that i'm alright ..

I think you know and i know that i'm drifting away from
the family but there isn't much that i can do .
All the days that you used to spend with me seems so far away now ..
Do you honestly think i enjoy fighting with you?
Right now , i'd rather fight with you .
Do you know that the silence between us is much more painful than your words ?

I guess , since you're so used to calling me animal name , you start
to think that i'm not human right ?
That i don't have a feeling ?
Our relationship has strain so bad to the extent that i can't even be in the same
room as you nor do i feel comfortable taking photo with you .
I was hoping that the trip to Thailand could improve our relationship but no .
Seriously , i can't even talk to you cause you just won't understand.
Its almost impossible to talk to you .
I guess nothing last forever .
Not even between us .

2010-07-24T10:50:00.003+08:00

Don't you just hate the feeling where you feel like you are slowly drifting apart from someone you used to be close with ?

So what happens when it all begins to change..?

What happens when the only reason you still talk occasionally is because you are making such an effort to keep all the pieces together..?
Well , sometimes it hurts a little . But most of the time , it hurts a lot .
& when both stops to care , a small piece feels as though it has been broken off , shattered .
Its just waiting to be mended again .
Sometimes i wish i wasn't the only one that cared .

Then i realized that as we were drifting apart , i was desperate to save what we once had shared , however , my desperation made us drift even further ...

We can never recapture the good times and everything we've been through together .
Do i really have to forge a new life without you ?
I've spent 1/4 of my life with you .
I guess , this could be the end .
It looks as though you're letting go ..
Our memories together , they could be inviting but some
a frightening ...

I can see us dying ...

99 days

2010-07-15T20:49:00.002+08:00

Eliot lived for 99 days . How many have you had to live so far ? Probably more than him , right ?
This life is given to us only once . So , how best can we live it ?

Imagine if you had only 99 day to live on this Earth . What would you do ?

Life is more than just owning an LV or Chanel bag .

Life is more than just eating at fancy restaurant .

Life is more than just driving a Mercedes .

Life is more than wearing a Mango to work .

Life is more than wearing a Levi shoe to school .

Life is more than having an Iphone .

Life is more than a one carat diamond ring .

Life is more than living in big houses .

Life is more than partying with friends .

Happiness is temporary . What matters most is how you cherish them .

Eliot had 99 days . I've had more than 5840 days and hopefully many more to come .
God gives and God takes .
So , i shall continue to strive for the best and treasure each passing moment and day .

2010-07-10T12:43:00.002+08:00

We can never get the best of both world .
Cos its impossible .
They will always be people who can't accept
us fully .
But if they really want to be your friend , they will accept you fully.
If they don't , than you know that they are the ones that will come and go .
Its fine if you think i'm one of them .

You don't realize it but you have set boundaries for those around you.
You expect them to not do some things but there's nothing you can do cos this is life.

People come and go .
People never stay the same .
If you can't deal with your insecurities , than live with it .
Your choice . Your call .

Losing someone will hurt alot but in order to be happy ,
you've got to let go .
Cos sometimes when you let go of the old ones , the new ones might be better .
You can try and put in tons of effort to make it work but
if it isn't meant to , than its not meant to.
Live with that .

Everyone has their insecurities .
Everyone have their flaws .
No one is perfect and no one can live up to the expectation
set for them .
i know i can't despite trying so hard to make her accept me .
But than i realize than trying to please someone is as good
as lying to ourselves.

Had Enough

2010-07-10T11:03:00.002+08:00

" Bruised and battered by your words . Dazed and shattered now it hurts ."

Things was slowly getting better for us but you just had to ruin it .
What's gotten into you ?
You're becoming more and more unreasonable .
I'm sick and tired of you accusing me and i'm tired of your behavior .
Get a grip of yourself .

I'm tired of having to reassure you every single time .
I'm not complaining i'm just trying to get it into your head.

I know you have insecurities but who doesn't ?
Everyone has their own insecurities . Even i do .
Just like you , i'm dealing the same thing except that i choose
to control it than letting it control me .
Because i am someone who is tide to my emotion .
Just like you , i am dealing with the fact that i'm losing someone .
But i know that if i get too carried with my emotion , i'm gonna lose her faster
than i expect .
I know its not easy to have to face with it but this is life .
People are bound to come and go .

I'm on the verge of losing someone .
its just a matter of time before the problem surfaces .
Nothing is unbreakable .
Even the strongest bond can be broken.

Seriously you opened my eyes last night .
You showed me the side of you that i have yet to see .
I'm glad i see it .
& now , i'm done .
I don't wish to walk out but until you learn it on your own , there isn't much that i can do .
I hate last night . I hate how you make me feel like i'm mean .
That i'm unappreciative .
Till than , we're done .

2010-06-13T12:45:00.003+08:00

Another post .

So , i've been having so much fun for tuition !
My science tutor is uber cool !
She's awesome , fantastic , hilarious , down-to-earth and the list goes on .
I'm so lucky to have her !!!

She not only helping in science but also maths and english .
I owe her aloot !

I won't be seeing her next week :(
She's off to HongKong and when she comes back , i'm off to Thailand.
Oooh boy .. i'm gonna miss her .

Every week , we would gossip , and share fun facts and laugh our ass like nobody's business .
HAHAHA .
Its wicked fun . We have such great bond and i always look forward to her lesson .
That's all . toodles !

2010-06-13T12:33:00.002+08:00

Hello readers .
Its been a while since i blog .
Well , here's a lil update .

So , yesterday went to airport to sent my aunt off to Saudi Arabia.
There's lots of people there. I was suppose to go there next week but i didn't want to.
Hmm.. I think my flat answer disappointed my mum.
Oh wells... i had my reasons .
So , cousins and aunties were there to sent her off too .
After which my family left and went Malaysia to celebrate daddy's birthday !
Had lots of fun !
Ate awesome seafoods for dinner .
We had lobsters , prawns , squids , fish and vegetables.
First time ate lobster and i love it !
The place was on top of the sea. heehee.
Like a floating restaurant. Soo nice !
While eating they aired the football match .
Daddy and bros were so enthu especially second bro.
After than at about 10pm , we went for shopping.
hehehe .
Got myself a pair of shoe.
Sissy got herself a scarf and shoe.
bro bought quite a few things also.
Reached home around 1.30 am .

Next week , going away for a short trip to Thailand !
Yipee ! Going with parents & sissy !
Looking forward to it !

2010-05-11T22:23:00.003+08:00

Whenever you're near me , i feel strange.
I'm not suppose to feel likewise , but i did.
You're like a complete stranger to me now.
When you stood there looking at me , i was hopping that you'd
walk over and be by my side.
But sadly , that's just my wishful thinking.
Things will never be the way it was.
I can see that you're truly happy at where you're at.
I'm happy and glad to know that you're happy.
To know that there's someone that you can share your joy and happiness with.
It may hurt me , but there's nothing i can do.
I've never been the best for you.
In fact , i personally feel that i'm the worse.
I've been treating you badly , yet you still stood by me.
People would say that its stupid but you didn't.
I don't deserve you and neither do you.
The two of you have a great bond together.
Frankly , now i truly understand what it feels like to lose
that very one friend for good.
As of today , i shall take away the title of "true" from you.
Not because you lied or whatsoever but because i've lost you.

No matter how much we tried to fix and talk it out ,
it always ends up in an argument..
Its not fun arguing with you.
In fact , its tiring.
I accept that you will not be there anymore and neither will i.
I will not depend on you anymore.
We've had many obstacles and we overcome each obstacles cos we felt that
it can still be salvage.
Sadly now , there's nothing left.
We've had many chances of make it or break it and now , its a definite break it.
There'll be no more make it cos we'll never make it anymore.
All the best my dear.

After all the shit we've been through , here's the last goodbye...

2010-05-11T22:21:00.002+08:00

Its really frustrating when you have to deal
with the almost same problem at one shot just with different people.
This problems leads to arguments, unfair and bitterness.
Its like telling you that make up your mind.
Make a decision .

The End ?

2010-05-10T21:53:00.003+08:00

Although i'm saying all this , it doesn't mean that i don't care.
It just means that i care a little bit lesser.
Too much of you can make me sick but too little of you ,
make me miss you but i can't show it to you.
Even if a decision is made , it doesn't mean that we'll be strangers.
It only means that we lose the word 'best' and stick with friends.
If ever , you need someone or something , i'll be here.
it may be awkward or weird but i'll try not to push you away .
What we have , is worth having but when it gets to this state ,
Is it worth fighting for ?
To me , it is.
To you ? I don't know.
Like i said , i don't know where we're heading but i know its somewhere.
Maybe we should just slow down and think about it but it'll
never happen cos we're barely together and the times spent with you
is not the same as before and it sucks.
I guess it takes a long time to really know someone.
Clearly all this while , what we've been promising were merely words that
meant nothing at all.

Obviously , this are remedy of life.
You gain and you lose people.
Often the least expected people are the ones that
will hurt you real bad.
I'm not throwing what we had instead i'm holding on.
I wish i was much stronger to overcome this but clearly i'm not .

I'm sorry for being incompetent.
I'm sorry that i didn't fulfill my job.
I'm sorry if i've let you down .

Its never to late to make a change..
But it wouldn't make sense if i'm the only one hoping for it.
Don't make me pin my hope up high when you're just gonna crash it after a while..

Pieces

2010-05-07T20:09:00.002+08:00

Do you remember the words that you say on October 23?
Do you remember the situation ?
The moment of truthful between us ?
I think you don't , and i'm not surprise.
Why ? Cos you never did know me.
In fact , you still don't.
After all this while , you still can't accept that i'm that kind of person ?
A person that treasures every moment , every person that surrounds her ?
I thought that after knowing , you could accept it but your actions shows that you can't.
It seems to me that you just can't accept me .

I tried so hard to make things work.
I try so hard to change but you did nothing.
You pushed the blame to me and i accepted full responsibility.
But i thought it will change but it just got worse.
I did my part but you didn't.
You expected me to do everything which i did .
It took me this long to realize this ugly truth.
That this is who you are.
Whatever we used to have , it means nothing.
Cos that's just a side of you that i know.
Now , i know the other side of you.
You may think that i'm talking crap cos the only one that knows you
would be ___________.
Hey , if it , so be it .
I don't even care .

Everytime i point out something wrong , you always have
something to argue back.
Although what you did is worse.
Friends guide their friends to the right path and that was what i tried to do.
But you just don't appreciate it.
Fine by me.

My dear , sometimes your words hurt.
Sometimes i feel that you're heartless.
But hey , you're often right..
I don't know where we're heading but i know its heading somewhere.
Where only we know cos we'll be deciding it.
Or better yet , i'm deciding.
I really don't know what to do.
But i do know that your actions are killing me.
I'm tired of 'making a fool' in front of you cos you don't take me seriously.
& you don't even care.

So my question is , " do you even care about me or even my feelings?"
"Do you even care about everything ?"
If its a NO , than its good.
Cos it means that i've got every reason to put this to an end.

PS: Don't assume you know who i'm talking about .

2010-05-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path, and to set yourself free.

To let go are all of the above..
But apart of me still can't let go.
Yes,i initiated it.
Yes, i broke it but if only you really understand my situation.
Right now , i'm praying that your safe.
You said you'll be here if i need you , well i need you now .
I wanna feel your presence.
I guess i just can't ignore you anymore.
I want things o go back to how it was before..
But i'm afraid...
Ily

The Best Thing

2010-04-19T20:55:00.002+08:00

I was stupid.
I got carried away with my emotion.
I got influenced by others .
I thought that it was good for me but who am i kidding .
What if i did love you ?
What if all this while , i've been in love with you ?
If it isn't , why did i cry ?
Why did it hurt ?
Why now ?
I should have trusted my instincts.
I should have followed my heart.
I shouldn't have let them interfered.
I shouldn't care what they think.
Cos for what is worth , i knew how i felt.
I knew that i was actually happy with you.
Physically , you're not by my side but mentally , you're always there.
I may be disappointed but i never hated you.
maybe we just lack honesty but there was trust.
I regret giving in too soon .
I regret letting it all go.
They don't know how i feel.
They'll never know.
They'll never understand what we had.
They'll never understand..

2010-04-05T13:47:00.002+08:00

There are limits to what i can take.
I've been patience with you for a long time.
People think that i'm leading a happy & blessed life since i'm
the youngest but they're wrong.
I doubt any of them have been hated by you right ?
& i bet you've never say you hate them in their face right ?
I'm the only one , right ?
I'm really sick and tired of your accusation towards me.
You hate me ? Fine .
You wanna call me by animal name ? Fine.
Cos up till this point , i think i'm done with you.
I can't be completely done with you cos you're everywhere.
So , i made a choice to just ignore your presence.
Frankly , even if you were burning with anger , i don't think
you should even say that. Cos it shows what kind of a guy you are.
Let me ask you than , is it fair if i hate you ?
Cos , honestly i think its fair.
A father hates the child , the child hates the father .

" takpe..bukan anak orang lain.. anak bapak.."

Do you remember this phrase ?
This phrase lingers in my mind for they are the only sweetest
words that i can remember of you.

2010-04-03T21:25:00.002+08:00

Once in a while , i miss you .
& than , i question myself.
I let go of something that i held on for so long.
Why did i do that ?
I was never bothered about what others think ,
not even my best friend but sometimes , you just can't shut it off.
I hope and pray that one day , it'll work out fine and that what we have is true.
I know that you'd never do anything to hurt me , but how far can i believe it ?
Between us , there may be trust but not honesty.
We've never been completely honest with each other .
This was enough to make me see the truth .
It hurts to know that i'm the cause of your heartache.
There's never a time that you're not wandering in my mind.
You're everywhere.
No matter how far i try to run , you caught up with me.
Its as if as you're undenial.

If only we were strong enough to face it together , it would have
worked out alright. But we weren't.
Its not easy for me to shut their words whenever they talk about you.
It hurts when all they say are words that bring you down and killed me.
I had to make a choice.
Its either fantasy or reality.
& i chose reality .
& reality says , you don't exist.
You're just another life mystery to me.
you were a gift by God to me.
To be present for a moment and teach me some life lesson.
& thanks to you , i've learn a few valuable lesson.

"you sad you'd be with me for life but i said I'd
be with you for as long as i could.."

"You said you'd never let me shed a single tear ,
but you did .."

Imperfect

2010-04-01T22:27:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry I make mistakes.
I'm sorry I hurt people and offend people.
I'm sorry I don't always look my best.
I'm sorry I'm not the most gorgeous girl out there.
I'm sorry I don't always get it right.
I'm sorry I'm not the funniest person all the time.
I'm sorry I don't always want to do what you want to do.

I'm sorry for even being human.

2010-04-01T20:09:00.003+08:00

Fuck off la .
How i wish i can say it in your bloody disgusting face that i hate you.
Or better still , i despise you.
Get out of my life.
Wow. Funny now , i've lost all my respect for you .
Not just one person , but more.
Oh wait , i've lost all my respect for you since 10 years ago ?
So , what are you waiting for ?
Get out and don't come back.
You just made me hate you even more than ever.

I HATE YOU.I HATE YOU.I HATE YOU.I HATE YOU.I HATE YOU.I HATE YOU.

To another one.
Don't make me dislike your presence.
Its a bloody big sin for me to even dislike you.
After what you said to me yesterday , its not so easy to forget.
& today too.
Don't make me resort to running away.

She's Sixteen !

2010-03-28T19:17:00.004+08:00

Happy Sixteenth Birthday to ,
Noraishah Binte Omar Al-Khatib !

Like any other journey in your past 2 years ,
I'll be by your side , going through it with you .

This year is our final "battle".
We'll go through it together like how we always did.
7 more months to go and we get FREEDOM.
In this journey , you'll have my back , and hopefully ,
I'll have yours .
Let's get it done with and achieve our personal desires.

What do you want ?

2010-03-26T20:23:00.002+08:00

Fact is , i don't know what you expect from me.
I really don't know what you want from me.
I've been trying to figure it out but to no avail.
I'm trying to be there for you but at times , i can't.
I wish you'd understand my situation.
You of all should know the best but sadly , you don't.
It sucks knowing that somethings not really right but there's
no way to voice it out.
I wish you could read my mind cos i don't wish to upset you.
All I need is understanding from you.
I don't want you to think that i'm no longer there for you cos
I'll always be there be it through thick or thin.
I'm sorry if lately i haven't been there for you.
I'll try to make time for you but it'll only work out if
you could understand my feeling and what i'm going through.

2010-03-25T19:37:00.002+08:00

Memories are like a piece of exquisite glass :

Beautiful , fragile , yet dangerous.
When you break it , it will shatter into pieces , and every
single slice of the glass , which was ever so beautiful minutes ago ,
will turn into a sharp blades that cut your skin.
- Low Kay Hwa

I'm young but i'm not naive.
I thought helplessly as you walked away.
There is still pain that i have to carry.
A past so deep that no one could even bury even if they try.
I couldn't let you see the love but i tried to let you feel it.
A part of me died , when i let you go.
I wish that whenever i wake up from my dream ,
everything will be like before.
& if its been a dream all along , i don't wish to wake up.
I'm still very much thinking of you.
I'm still very much in love.
But you left me with no choice.
I feel guilty for what i did.

2010-03-23T21:07:00.002+08:00

Whenever my world is falling apart ,

and when there's no light to break the darkness ,
I would always think of you cos you'd always fix it
and make it better .
There is no words to describe how guilty i feel.
I caused your dreams to be shattered.
I'm truly sorry.

Separate

2010-03-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

If there's tomorrow when we're not together, there's something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.
I'll be there if you ever need a listening ear..
I know that we can't be friends but at least we could try..
Take care , my dear .

Sorry

2010-03-19T20:20:00.002+08:00

Do you know that i really miss you?
I know my attitude is shitty.
I know i fail to gain that trust in you .
I know i fail to be that friend for you.
But one thing i know for sure is that i do miss your presence in my life.
When i said , its like we're back to square one , you got sad.
& i felt guilty.
But i never wanted or intended to gave you the idea that i'm walking out.
We tried to work things out and agreed to a term.
You said you want me to stay .
I did but you knew what you need to do.
But up till now , there's nothing from you.
In fact , i stand at the side and see you smiling away.
It makes me happy to know that you're happy but it kinda hurts too.
We went through a lot together.
I know that i've got no rights to even say all this for all the things
that i have done that hurt you but it doesn't matter.
You should know me best.
Maybe up till now , you find it hard to believe me and i don't blame you.
However , each time i bring up the topic you avoid it.
We say we don't want what we have to end up like those around us.
But what have we done?
Is there still anything to salvage?
Again , i'm not giving you ideas of leaving you..
I'm sorry if i always come and go and never once stayed.
I miss talking to you on the bus.
I miss everything we had when we were much younger.
Now , even being in the same room feels awkward.
i know i'm to blame for i'm the cause of it all.
But the feelings sucks.
The feeling of knowing that i'm losing you.

My dear friend.
I'm sorry that all this while all i gave you craps.
Crappy attitude. Crappy face. Etc.
I'm sorry that all i do is hurt you in silence.
I'm sorry that i took you for granted.
I want things to improve but i don't know how.
I'm sorry that the way i treat you is not like how i treat the others.
I just don't know how to do so.
Its never my intention to act likewise.
I'm truly sorry if being with me does nothing but kills you.
I'm sorry that you can't tell when i'm lying and when i'm not.
I'm sorry that you can't trust me.
I'm sorry that there are times that i lie to you straight in your face.
I'm sorry that you fall for my lies.
But sometimes its better that you not know the truth.
i told you before that what we have , doesn't even exist in the dictionary
for what we have is extremely unique.
I love you , dear friend.
Take care !

"i don't want to be a friend that only shares sorrow"

2010-03-11T20:22:00.002+08:00

Right now , i wanna run away.
Far from everything.
Can't explain why i'm feeling like this either.
It seems to much for me to bear .
I wanna disappear into thin air where life can't catch up with me.
Where no one can catch up with me.
I wanna escape reality.
But i know , i can't.
I have to face it.
I've lost the courage.
I've lost every bit that i have..

2010-03-05T22:23:00.003+08:00

Don't make me justify your every move ,

I don't want to have to question everything you do.

2010-03-05T22:03:00.002+08:00

Disappointment .

That's the suitable word to describe my feeling .

How long did you think you can hide it from me?
You know very well what i like and dislike. Yet , you still do it.
All this while i thought you were doing a decent thing but i was wrong.
You make me doubt you.
Do you really care about my feeling?
Your safety matters to me but you make it look as if your life is a game.
Its as if you enjoy taking risks. Why ?
What if you get caught , my dear ?
How do you think your family would feel ?
Your mum in particular.
I would very much want to give you a tight slap and confront you,
but i won't.
You just gained your freedom and yet you're already abusing it ?
I thought that you will change but i thought wrong.
I am utterly disappointed in you !
You of all people should know the consequences.

Don't push the blames to others when you get busted.
& don't blame others when i walk out of you.

Why ?

2010-03-01T19:42:00.002+08:00

Why do we still doubt HIM?
Why do we doubt his presence , ability?
Why? When everything is right in front of us..
Just look around ourselves and we'll see it..
Sometimes , we feel and sense his presence ,
But we were in denial.
We kept running away..

Ps : Those who aren't Muslim , don't get offended.

2010-02-28T19:33:00.002+08:00

I am so in love with this song !
ADDICTED !
So , Samantha will be listening to me singing it everyday !
Apart from that , also addicted to her band , Girls Aloud !
Aaaah !

2010-02-27T16:43:00.002+08:00

A pencil case & a SpongeBob Notebook - Carissa

Care bear - Sis Dee & Bro

Teddy Bear - Ahlina

Thanks for the presents everyone.
Love it..
Every gift made my day..

Carissa's was a very touching one and made me realize something.

Carebear made me happy.
It stops me from being mad due to the adorable-ness.

The big bear was the main highlight !
My special day was ruined right from the beginning.
& it made me feel secure.
He was my companion for the entire day.
I held on to him uber tightly cos i was just to upset.

Yesterday , i cried myself to sleep.
Yes, i'm a cry baby .
& i don't care.

Anyhoo , i've decided to give up on 26 February.
It does nothing but sadness.
Until i find some people that i'm sure won't make me shed a single tear
on that very day.

I envy others.
They get to celebrate their birthday the way they want to.
I know i'm fortunate enough that there are people who remember it but that's besides the point.
People say turning 16 is a big deal and i agree.
I really thought this year would be better but no.
It was the worse.
Well , what can i expect right?
My presence does noting but cause trouble to others.
So yeah.
From now onwards , 26 February will be an ordinary day to me.

Bye.

2010-02-26T21:37:00.002+08:00

Thank you everyone , for the Birthday wishes.

Today , was just like any other day to me.
It might be the worse birthday though.

Someone asked me , "how are you celebrating your birthday?"
& in my mind , like i always do.
Which is nothing.
Unlike others , they have celebrations , but i don't.

In fact , i spent my day alone.
I went home and there's no one.
Daddy came back with no wishes or whatsoever.
NOTHING.
Mum's working.

I'm all alone.

This is how i ALWAYS celebrate my birthday.
There will always be something upsetting me.

Till now , no one's home.
& sometimes , i envy others for their birthday is always joyful..

Anyway , receive presents from Carissa & Ahlina.
Thanks guys =)

2010-02-25T16:57:00.002+08:00

Hello.
How are you readers ?

Nothing interesting has happened.

Yesterday had 3 test consecutively.
Poa , Maths and than Chemistry.
I would say Maths was much easier compared to the rest.
Chemistry was the WORSE.

At night had Science tuition.
Ended at 10+.
Surprisingly i had fun .
Why is it that always science tutor are more easy to talk to?
haha.
So , covered Salts, i think?
& also Redox Reaction.
Haha.
Kak Ili actually manage to summarize Redox on to 3 piece of paper
and i understand it !
haha. Can briefly say i understand laa..
Cos when she gave questions , can answer some..

So , yeah.
That's all.
Toodles !

Gathering

2010-02-21T16:33:00.003+08:00

(Ps: The Purple one is my latest one.
Given to me by Bro & sis Dyna =D)

Hello.

Today was a blast.
Had family gathering.
Lots of foods and lots of fun.
Not many cousin turn up but it was still fun!
All crashed at my place around 10+ like that?
I wasn't home so i wasn't so sure.

So , upon reaching home , Sis Dyna
pulled me to my room and handed me something.
It was an advance birthday gift!
Oooh! I LOVE IT!!
I should've figured it out when she asked me about care bear
stuffs on Friday.
Heheh. She's so good at it !

So yeah...
Than talked about March plan.
Talked about the trip to Batam.
So far about 20 people going!
So awesome.
My 2 adorable niece will be going too!
Although its gonna be tiring , but its still FUN!
Sister is planning everything.
Super excited.
The next week , i'll be going to Korea!
Double the joy.

Photos have been uploaded at Facebook.
Those who wanna see , go there and see.

Sejarah Mungkin Berulang

2010-02-20T12:36:00.003+08:00

Sejauh mana mampu bertahan

Sampai bila harusku kenang
Setiap kali bertentangan
Tiada ketenangan...

Andaiku turut rasa hati,
Telah jauh ku bawa diri...
Tapi kemaafanku yang lahir dari hati mengatasi..
Sejarah mungkin berulang
Walau engkauku maafkan
Tapi mungkin hanya sementara

Berpanas hujan berembun,
Tak pernah ku hiraukan,
Asal dapat memenuhi
Segala keinginan hati...

Ku bina istana cinta
Dihiasi lukisan rindu
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190210

2010-02-19T20:47:00.004+08:00

I know we'll be friends for life; sharing our dreams together.
As we walk down the road, we'll never think twice, our memories will last forever.
And although we're off to two different worlds, somehow we're together.
And even though we're far apart, our memories are deep within our hearts.
These are the times to remember our memories will last forever.

I had the best day of my life today.
Despite the bad start , happiness took its place.
Spent the afternoon with the awesome babes !
Aqilah Jumaat , in particular.
Initially was supposed to watch Movie but cancelled .
So walk around. Ahlina went off after lunch , leaving me , Aqilah and Aidah.

Walked around Tampinese 1.
God , i miss the good old times.
The laughter,the smiles and the photos.
Only God knows how much i miss Aqilah.
Going out again next Friday..
Hopefully the plan will work out since its Khoo's
supplementery.

So, while walking , saw the oh so ADORABLE care bears !
Okay.
Bye.

Side by side or miles apart, I'll always hold you close to the heart.

2010-02-15T11:45:00.002+08:00

Another update.

So , during the stay at no idea whose house , i got a chance to ride a bike!
I mean i ride bike in Singapore but i was the passenger.
This time , i am the driver.
Eldest brother taught me. it was uber awesome!
Before that i went with daddy since eldest bro brought his wife , second bro bought sissy.
With daddy was scary cos he hasn't use bike for ages.
So , its a bit difficult.
So yeah , the experience was awesome.
but i think a jet ski is easier to control that bike.
Quite hard and very scary.

Than after the session , bro step down and left me to fall with the bike.
Tsktsktsk.
Many people saw it.
HAHA.
But whatever , it was fun.

To aishah , at the age of 15 , i ride a bike.
Are you jealous..?
hahaha

2010-02-15T10:35:00.002+08:00

Hello world.

First and foremost , happy Chinese New Year !
Late ? I know.
Hahah.

So , Friday was a complete bore.
Morning had school which was a complete waste of time la.
Ended school at 12pm.
Headed home and packed my sister's bag and mine.
Than at night went off and headed to KL.
Met up with brother and sister in-law with her family.
Drove up to KL together with them.
Reached KL around 4am.
Than stayed at sister in law's cousins house.
Than headed off to Perak.
Long ride but fun uh.
First time going on a vacation with them.
Reached Perak around 6pm.
Stayed at don't know whose house.
At night went shopping.

The following day , went to the orphanage .
Sister in-law's younger sister wanted to celebrate her birthday there.
Than had lunch with them etc.
It was heartbreaking actually
They performed for us than we had bonding session.
Real sad.

Reached home this morning around 2am.
Now , here i am.

I'm a bit lazy to story tell the entire thing so yeah.
Learned few things at the kampung.
Very worth it !

Okay, that's all.
BYE !

2010-02-12T17:19:00.005+08:00

I do need you like the tree needs the sun.
& most importantly , I want to remember how you've made me laugh and cry.
I do not wish to forget how different you are.
& right now , i wish i know how i was in the past.

"Let's not walk away from the one thing we know that i great..."

2010-02-11T18:33:00.002+08:00

I'm pretty much speechless right now.
Flooded with pain and sorrow.
I guess i was the cause of everything.
I should've known.
I wanna hold on to it but you're already on your way.
What was i even thinking..?

"What's left is a vague memory which burns my heart..."

2010-02-11T18:30:00.002+08:00

This picture pretty much depicts how i feel.
I gained something but in return , i lose something precious.
& when i missed , i gained something else in return.
I had a bit of rejoice and a bit of regret.
But i can assure that its more to regret.